For a lifetime I have ignored the things that were evident to me, and paid attention to the things that only distracted me from my purpose. However, as we change, better yet, as God changes us, we begin to see what is truly there. At first it was subtle; I would ask God for guidance and something small and hard to see would appear and I would miss it because I was focused on the larger, but less insignificant things. I use to believe that God blessed me with the ability to read people immediately and quickly determine that person was not part of my journey. To that end, I discredited their presence and moved forward. Then I realized that I would meet this person later on and do the same; discredit their presence. Whether it was because I decided that they could not be trusted, or their presence was just toxic in some way, shape, or form. I distanced myself and cut that person off. I finally was forced to ask myself “why?” did this person keep reappearing. It was not always the same person; sometimes it would be a different person but they possessed the same characteristics as the previous, and sometimes it was simply the same feeling I would experience with someone different that yielded the same response. Yet in still, I handled the situation and the person the same way. You see, life, and my past taught me that the best way to protect myself from any damage was to detect and detach. If I detected something or someone that raised my suspicion, I immediately detached myself from present and future interaction. This, in my mind, kept me from trusting them and later being hurt by them. However, I finally understand why the presence of these things and people keep replaying in my life. My lesson from God was not to detect, distrust, and detach. However, to trust Him. You see? If I trust God and he places someone or something in my path, it is to fulfill His will for me and often for the other person or situation. What this means is that for me, every lesson and/or blessing does not come in the form of a beautifully wrapped gift that emits nice and wonderful feelings. Sometimes the truth; the lesson and/or blessing will cause pain and discomfort. Thus, when I detect something or someone that makes me uncomfortable, I must learn how to welcome them. The detection is my discernment that God blessed me with. It is His introduction or preface to my journey and his purpose for me. If I never read the introduction/preface than I will never know what is to come, good or bad. So I am not truly trusting God. Alternatively, If I read the introduction/preface or simply take the time to understand the person or thing then I can better understand the purpose behind their presence. In doing so, I can fully trust that even if their purpose is pain, that God has an end plan for me. I must accept the pain to reach the gain. I must blindly accept the presence of something or someone that introduces discomfort or change into my life in order to finally see. The end game is to see through God’s eyes, to know that the world is sinful and still greet it daily with love. To understand that people are not perfect, but God’s will is. With God’s Grace, I am saved, with his wisdom, I am empowered, and with his vision, I see 20/20.
In my world, there would be a place for me to always be free.
In my world, there would be a place to escape my frustration easily.
In my world, a woman could be who God designed her to be.
In my world, my faith would be as vast as the deep blue sea.
In my world, hope of a young girl would grow like branches on a tree.
In my world, a black man can be all he was meant to be without fear of brutality.
In my world, sisters and brothers are bound by loyalty.
In my world, we love one another fiercely.
In my world, a respected trait is honesty.
But in my world of creativity, the words cruelty and envy there could never be. BUT, that my friends, wouldn’t be REALITY…
She is fragile, but her fight runs deep, so deep she doesnt know when it’s saving her or hurting her. An inner strength so fiery it must hurt her in order to save her. She fights everyday but Mediocrity and strife are very persistent, will she remain consistent or give in to life. A fire burns inside of her, the flame is seen thru her eyes yet they still yurn to touch her. She sees the fear, the judgment in their eyes when they stare, when will they notice it’s a plea for help-like a safety flare. Sadly they ignore it and their encounter ends with a glare. Her strength is viewed as anger, her faith as madness, and her fear as sadness. But she keeps moving, for God has given her another day and his word is assurance that all will be okay and through his grace she will find a way…
We are often searching for the things that we desire in the absolutely wrong places. But then we have the temerity to complain about the results or the product we end up with. We go to the drug store when we want to lose weight, we stop at the convenience store for dog food, and so on. To that end, we continue the charade by not realizing that our desire for a quick fix, for convenience often costs us more in the end. To further perpetuate our bad choices, if we go to the drug store and buy a product and the product does not work as it was advertised, we spare no cost in returning it and demanding a refund or replacement. However, when we go to the strip club and find a mate, male or female, and they are not who they purport to be, we hold onto them, accept their inconsistency and fool ourselves into thinking we can change them. Rarely do we ever find ourselves returning that person to the strip club where we found them. So whether you remain in a relationship with this person for 6 days, 6 weeks, or 6 months, the return policy remains the same. Ask yourself this, if you go to the store and purchase an item, bring it home, and then break it or find that it is broken already and you have thrown out the receipt, what do you do with the product? Do you keep it in a closet, going back to check to now again whether it has repaired itself? Of course you do not because you know that this is not possible. However, when we find someone and once we get them home, find out that they are broken, we try and try and try to fix and/or change them. Now, obviously you cannot handle a person exactly like you would a broken object. But the principle is similar. You can hope for the best, but you must realize that a person’s will to change comes from God and their desire to change. You do not have to desert a person to know that they are not necessarily for you. I spent several years in an abusive relationship, not only out of fear, but out of fooling myself that I could change the person. I could not change him, and I could not save him and myself at the same time. But what I could do was pray for both him and me. My prayer for him would be that he was freed from the clutches of whatever demons or circumstances made him the way he was; the prayer for myself was that I was freed of the demons keeping him in my life.
What I am trying to say is that you are not a bad person for deciding to return a something or someone that is not designed for you. But continuing to convince yourself that you can do something that was not in God’s will for you only prolongs receipt of what you sought in the first place.
It is time we claim only what God has placed on the shelves for us. If you are a singer, you would not buy a nail and hammer to complete your purpose. You would purchase what was designed to aid you in progress and not hinder your forward movement. So recognize that the same holds true for relationships and other facets of life. Do not be fooled by false advertisement, not everything is for you.